Saturday, July 21, 2007
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Not much to say about it as of right now, because I haven't read it yet. My father has suddenly decided that I don't deserve to read it. For what reason, I don't know. I think it has something to do with summer reading, but I'm not sure. I mean, I've never missed a single assignment in my God damn life, so I don't think he should worry. I'll get it done. Anyway, I'm just dying to read the end of the series, even though the books have been getting progressively worse. I have faith in J.K.R., though. Hopefully she'll make this one good. Not much of a post, I know. I'll post more later, probably on S.E.P. versus Camp Chi.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Three hours ago, I was at summer school.
2. Who are you in love with?Myself.
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?Yes.
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Nope.
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?About a week ago.
6. Are you wearing socks right now?Yes.
7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?Nope.
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?Um... Last summer, I think...
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?No, but I'm going to the movies tonight, if that counts.
10. Are you hot?You tell me.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?A root beer.
12. What are you wearing right now?Cutoff shorts, a tank top, a thong (which is riding up my ass), a bra, and a pair of socks.
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?I don't own a car. -sigh-
14. Last food that you ate?Banana dipped in hot fudge sauce. Yum.
15. Where were you last week at this time?Basketball practice.
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?No.
17. When is the last time you ran?I ran to class this morning, if that counts for anything.
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?The Superbowl. Pathetic, eh? Sports aren't really my thing, although I like to play them. I hate watching them.
19. What is your favorite animal?I don't play favorites.
20. Your dream vacation?No idea.
21. Last person's house you were in?Hannah's. I think.
22. Worst injury you've ever had?I fell off a bike and was knocked unconscious. When I came to, blood was dripping off my face.
23. Have you been in love?I've been obsessed with one or two people. It's not really the same thing.
24. Do you miss anyone right now?No.
25. Last play you saw?Forbidden Broadway: SVU. If that doesn't count (there really isn't a plot, it's just spoofs of all the shows currently on Broadway), then Lookingglass Alice.
26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?I don't have one, unfortunately.
27. What are your plans for tonight?I'm going to see Gracie at the movie theater.
28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?I don't have a MySpace.
29. Next trip you are going to take?I'm going to Northern Colorado in a few days.
30. Ever go to camp?Yes.
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?We didn't have an honor roll, but I was valedictorian, so that must count for something.
32. What do you want to know about the future?When I'll get my first kiss (fuck you, Parker and Alex - I think you know why), if I'll ever understand myself, if I'll ever have a boyfriend, if I'll ever fall in love, if I'll have success in life, if I'll do what I love for a living... Etc.
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?I'm wearing kiwi melon scented body spray, but I think it's worn off by now.
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?Probably.
35. Where is your best friend?One of them is in Israel. The other is in Cary.
36. How is your best friend?They're both good. Thanks for the concern.
37. Do you have a tan?A faint one.
38. What are you listening to right now?"You Gotta Get a Puppet." It's my favorite Forbidden Broadway song. Essentially, it ridicules shows that rely on puppetry. My favorite lyric mocks Avenue Q.
"And although we're a low, hasty pudding show.
The kiddies cheer on cue.
Families come, if they're dumb
But then out they go
When our fuzzy people screw!
Don't expect the Muppets
These are horny puppets
Rated "X" on Avenue Q
But if you get a puppet,
You can have a hit show too!"
39. Do you collect anything?"And although we're a low, hasty pudding show.
The kiddies cheer on cue.
Families come, if they're dumb
But then out they go
When our fuzzy people screw!
Don't expect the Muppets
These are horny puppets
Rated "X" on Avenue Q
But if you get a puppet,
You can have a hit show too!"
Tee-hee.
No, I'm not THAT geeky.
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?Jillian. Undeniably.
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?Never. I don't have my license.
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?Yeppers.
43. What does your last text message say?i dont feel like txting. can u get on im?
44. Do you like hot sauce?No.
45. Last time you took a shower?Last night.
46. Do you need to do laundry?Yes.
47. What is your heritage?German-Russian-Jewish. Recently, South African-Australian-American.
48. Are you someone's best friend?I dunno. Maybe.
49. Are you rich?No. I like to spend money.
50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?Reading.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Lifeguards
This is an article which will be included in my forthcoming issue of "Breaking the Mold."
Lifeguards have a hidden agenda. I know this because they wear mirrored sunglasses. And everyone knows that people who wear mirrored sunglasses are up to something.
Oh, yeah, sure. Their sunglasses are to “keep the sun out of their eyes.” That’s what they tell you. But I’m on to them. Oh yes. They’re not “keeping the sun out of their eyes.”
No, they’re using those sunglasses as a cover for their sneaky spying. When you hold onto the rope for a fraction of a second too long, when you dunk your sister, when you go down the slide face-first, the lifeguards know. That’s because they watch you. They’re always watching you.
Those serial killers? You know, the ones who watch their victims for weeks while planning their attack? I can bet that those serial killers were former lifeguards (or social rejects).
So next time the lifeguard blows his or her whistle at you, remember my words and be forewarned. And never, ever piss a lifeguard off. Because they might grow up to be serial killers, and then they might remember, and then you’re screwed.
Disclaimer: The author of this article is not suggesting that all lifeguards are fated to be serial killers. She is merely suggesting the possibility and warning her readers to be careful. Please don't sue.
Lifeguards
Lifeguards have a hidden agenda. I know this because they wear mirrored sunglasses. And everyone knows that people who wear mirrored sunglasses are up to something.
Oh, yeah, sure. Their sunglasses are to “keep the sun out of their eyes.” That’s what they tell you. But I’m on to them. Oh yes. They’re not “keeping the sun out of their eyes.”
No, they’re using those sunglasses as a cover for their sneaky spying. When you hold onto the rope for a fraction of a second too long, when you dunk your sister, when you go down the slide face-first, the lifeguards know. That’s because they watch you. They’re always watching you.
Those serial killers? You know, the ones who watch their victims for weeks while planning their attack? I can bet that those serial killers were former lifeguards (or social rejects).
So next time the lifeguard blows his or her whistle at you, remember my words and be forewarned. And never, ever piss a lifeguard off. Because they might grow up to be serial killers, and then they might remember, and then you’re screwed.
Disclaimer: The author of this article is not suggesting that all lifeguards are fated to be serial killers. She is merely suggesting the possibility and warning her readers to be careful. Please don't sue.
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