Lifeguards
Lifeguards have a hidden agenda. I know this because they wear mirrored sunglasses. And everyone knows that people who wear mirrored sunglasses are up to something.
Oh, yeah, sure. Their sunglasses are to “keep the sun out of their eyes.” That’s what they tell you. But I’m on to them. Oh yes. They’re not “keeping the sun out of their eyes.”
No, they’re using those sunglasses as a cover for their sneaky spying. When you hold onto the rope for a fraction of a second too long, when you dunk your sister, when you go down the slide face-first, the lifeguards know. That’s because they watch you. They’re always watching you.
Those serial killers? You know, the ones who watch their victims for weeks while planning their attack? I can bet that those serial killers were former lifeguards (or social rejects).
So next time the lifeguard blows his or her whistle at you, remember my words and be forewarned. And never, ever piss a lifeguard off. Because they might grow up to be serial killers, and then they might remember, and then you’re screwed.
Disclaimer: The author of this article is not suggesting that all lifeguards are fated to be serial killers. She is merely suggesting the possibility and warning her readers to be careful. Please don't sue.
